Oh My! What’s That Smell?

by Terry B. L. Paine, Paragon Tattler

STEEL CANYON - A typical, gorgeous day in Paragon City.

Or was it? Do we in the media keep too much information from the public? Are we ourselves scared to look deeper? It's a question that troubles me every day, dear readers.

Especially last Wednesday.

As usual, I was taking my midday walk around the building where the Paragon Tattler is located (it’s far too dangerous to walk there in the evenings or early in the morning, you know). It was a beautiful day -- the sun was shining, the air was clear and warm and all of the seemingly three birds left in the entire city were singing their asses off.

I had just made it about halfway down the block when I began to smell something rank coming from up ahead. Well, you know how it is in the city -- bums, trash, dead bodies, etc. -- but this was different somehow. Just as nasty as those other things, but somehow a bit more rank, similar to something (or someone) rotting. You know, like unwashed feet and ass, but worse.

Well, dear readers, you know me; I can’t just pass up anything interesting. Killer cat-like curiosity and all. I sped up my pace a bit, staying very close to the side of the building. I didn't want to get caught in some crazy mess, but I just had to take a peek at what could be causing it.

The waves of smell got stronger and stronger as I reached the corner of the building where a rather dark alley began. I cautiously approached the mouth of the alley and slowly took a peek. But before I could see anything, I heard a loud groan, and a colossal figure stumbled out of the alley shadows looking deathly ill.

I plotzed when I saw who it was, dear readers -- it was the one and only Horfrost! He looked just awful, his face a pale green with flies buzzing around his immense frame, eager for the feast. I could almost see the fumes of funk rising from his back.

Poor Horfrost stumbled to the curb and well... let’s just say he felt better afterwards. I started towards him, hoping I could be of some help. But he quickly looked up, raised his hand and told me to back away, which I did gladly as the wall of smell emanating from him was beginning to overwhelm me.

TP: “What happened to you?” I yelled from a safe distance. “Do you have the flu or something? I thought heroes couldn’t get the flu.”

HF: “It’s not the flu. I’ve been infected by the Vasilock Wasting Disease (WVD). Don’t get any closer or you might catch it and turn into one of those mindless, rotting zombies.”

TP: “But why aren’t you a zombie?”
HF: “Because I’m a hero.”

Then he burped, his embarassment barely showing through the green, then slowly flew away surrounded by a cloud of buzzing insects.

What bravery, ladies and gentlemen! What sacrifice! But our hero flew so slowly, so painfully that I decided it would be best to keep up with him and find out where he was going in case he needed help. I followed Horfrost to one of our city-wide science factories, hid myself and watched him enter the building. I quickly followed, eagar to learn more.

And I did. Let’s just say this, dear readers -- horrible things are being kept hidden behind our city walls that the general public doesn’t know about.

Anyway, I trailed our sick superhero for the next couple of hours, watching him kick zombie butt. Then, mission completed, Horfrost evaporated right before my eyes. I ran to an outside door and exited the building only to see him slowly flying away. I again followed him, this time to a scientist who gave him the antidote he was seeking.

Now I’m not one to gossip, ladies and gentlemen, but I still can’t believe that a virus of that magnitude doesn’t have everyone running scared. But I guess if you have heroes like the members of Power, Incorporated, you needn’t worry too much. In fact, after what I saw today, I’m not worried at all.

Interesting, though, that it's not the first time a member of this infamous group has come down with VWD.

This is Terry B. L. Payne, curious as a cat and sneaky as one too, signing off. And just remember, if you smell something bad, be extra careful! It may be a member of a Vahzilok zombie squad.

Or, maybe -- just maybe -- it's that guy in the cube next to you with bad case of VWD.

What We Know About Horfrost: Born in the icy heights of the Himalayas, little John Michael studied ancient ruins with his father, a former superhero called "The Ram" who recently turned to archeology. When the curious young man stumbled into a hidden spring inside an ice cave he'd been exploring away from his father, he was pulled from near death by a lone mountain goat he'd never seen before. Unbeknownst to both goat and child, the strange spring was filled with liquid radiation that slowly merged the ice and cold of the cave with each of their DNA. When John Michael finally woke, he learned that he had gained superhuman powers. Excited about this new discovery, John Michael changed his name to Horfrost and joined the ranks in Paragon City. Rumors that his father nor the goat were ever seen again have yet to be disproven.